Spring Mania

I haven’t been manic for a very long time so, when I got a hit the other day, my reaction was denial.
I know the symptoms.   I know the signs.  But I didn’t take action until after my friend Karen who also suffers from bipolar disorder, spoke to me on the phone. 

She asked me very pertinent questions:

Was I calling up friends I hadn’t spoken to for a long time and staying on the phone? - yes
Was I buying things I could live without? – not yet
Was I feeling pressure in my body? - yes
Had I been in the sun for long periods of time? - yes
Was I making long-term decisions without considering the consequences? - almost
Was I safe? - yes
Had I changed my medications at all? - no
Was I sleeping well, or at all? – my evening medications force sleep
Had I called my doctor? – not yet

I was very UP and was enjoying the extra energy although I hated the pressure inside my body.  I didn’t want to let it go even though it was uncomfortable.  Karen’s questions upset me because they were all spot-on.  She reminded me that she too suffers from bipolar disorder and there was no judgment in her questions.  As I listened to her I became lower and lower because I knew she was right.  But I didn’t want to let the mania go yet. 

This year spring came to all of us a month early.  I usually get depressed in April, not manic.  But now, I was dealing with seasonal mania, not depression – I’d already gone through seasonal depression  in March!  

For me, and probably for all of us in this particular boat, mania can be dangerous.  Not because of buying things but because mania can be the beginning of a mixed state which is difficult to alleviate. I bought cigarettes.  That purchase alone should have told me to WATCH OUT!  I instinctively knew that cigarettes would bring me down a bit.   When I lit up I took a long drag and said to myself, “I feel so much more ME when I smoke!”  (yeah, right)

Living alone, with four dogs, no one was there to observe my behavior.  Isolation is a key factor in mood changes.  At least there was no one who would recognize my symptoms.  

I called my psychiatrist.  He was grateful that I’d called and told me to take one of my mood stabilizers, even though it was daytime, and cut another medication in half.   It worked although I felt I’d wasted a whole day because the med knocked me out.  I work from home but couldn’t even do that.  My doggies were bored.  I whined about it when I spoke to my doctor again but he said, “But it seems to have worked.”  And yes, it did work.  It worked in time to not start charging on my credit cards, it worked before I took on the horse I was wanting, (happily ignoring looming vet bills, hay bills, paraphernalia bills), it worked before I began crawling up the walls and it worked before I became psychotic or fell into a mixed state of mania and depression together which is where I tend to go. 

If you’re reading this as a family member or friend of a loved one with mental illness take note of the questions Karen asked me.  I did reach out to family.  If you are the one with a mental illness that involves mania you might want to give those questions to the person closest to you to use if they suspect you’re becoming manic.   I rebelled at those questions but ultimately, they forced me to see I needed help.   Having mania is a mood that most joke about, that mania is so much fun.  Well, it’s not after a while.  It’s a lot easier if you nip it in the bud.  But, I’ll tell you – DAMN!