Tamara’s Story
I am telling my story today because I am tired of people saying "just snap out of it" or "why are you so lazy ".
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Working to end the stigma and discrimination of mental illness.
I am telling my story today because I am tired of people saying "just snap out of it" or "why are you so lazy ".
When I was in eighth grade I began to get bullied online and people would tell me "you're fat and stupid, go kill yourself".
HI! I was diagnosed with major depression when i was in 7th grade. I remember praying to God in 5th grade to let me just die. I would make myself sick worrying about going to school, because I didn't feel accepted, as if no one liked me.
At the start of my sophomore year my therapist diagnosed me with major depression. I felt hopeless, worthless, and utterly alone—feelings I never had before and to that intensity—and I felt ashamed for feeling this way. I couldn’t enjoy life, had frequent crying spells, and felt guilty about it. The world lost its color and food its taste.
I was considered the "well-adjusted child" all my life. I was well liked, I was a good student, and I rarely got into trouble. I would say that I grew up in a loving family and for the most part enjoyed my upbringing.
As I lie here cradling my son in my arms, listening to his near silent and restful breathing, I think back to a journey two and a half years now past.
After a rape at age 17, I was diagnosed with PTSD. I had also suffered bouts of Depression throughout my life but was ALWAYS in denial. I believed it was just a matter of thinking positive thoughts.
I have major depression. I am living with and have been disabled with it for over 30 years. My illness has taken my family from me. I have no friends. Everything I get involved with seems to turn out badly every time. I can't even get becoming a Christian right.
I have struggled with depression for as long as I can remember. As a child of 8 or so years old, I yearned to just cease to be. I hadn't yet started to fantasize about dying--just not existing.
But mostly, I truly hope that one day in my lifetime, I will see the need for these types of sites to vanish, that the general public will embrace and understand those of us with mental illnesses, and support systems will be a given, not a gift.