Crystal’s Story

I have wrestled for over 3 decades with the demons of mental illness. In my case, a strong genetic, biochemical predisposition was exascerbated by early childhood sexual assault and prolonged by a lifetime of self-medicating, self-abuse, and seeking out abusive relationships. But in the end, the reasons "why" don't matter nearly as much as the simple fact that I am mentally ill. I struggle with major depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder and bouts of PTSD. I take medications, I read, I am in therapy, I have undergone ECT, and I lean into the unwaivering love and support of my beloved husband and children. Despite all of this, I have managed to wear the mask of normalcy and function at a very high level as a self-reliant adult - an over-achiever, in fact. But my acccomplishments are cold comfort in the face of the dark secret about the illnesss I had to overcome in order to reach my goals and meet the expectations of others. The deepest cut of all is the laundry list of ways in which stigma has made my "invisible disability" more socially isolating and debilitating than the illness itself should ever have to be. I sincerely wish to transform my suffering into a ray of light on the path of those countless others in whose shoes I have stood.