Emma’s Story

I've struggled with depression my entire life. I always thought that I feel too much and that's why I deal with it. I didn't deal with the death of a loved one well, at 12 I started bruising myself and writing diary entries that were suicide letters I never planned on using. At 15 I started cutting myself. I saw some really dark days there for while. It was hard enough as a teen being depressed when it is almost expected of you to have something wrong with you. Then I became an adult. I felt like I was supposed to have it all together. On the outside I looked like I did have it all together, but I didn't. I couldn't stay in a relationship, I couldn't stop harming myself and and the thought of leaving this world never left my mind. But still, I had no intentions on acting on it.

Then things got really bad. I hated my life and I hated myself and I wanted out. Then, I hated myself more for even considering leaving my family. I had come to cross roads, I had to either seek help or I was not going to survive. I had gone 8 years without telling a soul I was a self injurer, I had no idea how to spill that secret. But a family member who used to be a self injurer as well saw the signs. He took me out to dinner and confronted me. He told me his story and didn't ask for anything in return. But I spilled my guts to him. I told him how I was feeling. He told me I had to get help and get treatment.

I started going to counseling. I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and chronic depression. I started working through my problems. It hasn't been easy and I still have bad days all the time and I'm still working through my problems. But I see hope now, I know I can survive.

I've made it a point to tell my story now and not to hide it because someone telling me their story saved my life. We never know the lives we save, but I hope I do make a difference. I hope what I have gone through isn't for nothing. I hope someday I can help someone else find hope.