Kristen’s Story

When I look back at my childhood, it is clear now that my anxiety issues began at a young age. I had major issues in social situations to the point that I would avoid them.  My anxiety would flare up as I anticipated certain events, even ones that I enjoyed. Anxiety and depression run in my family, and problems in my home life along with my compensation for these issues through perfectionist tendencies had me diagnosed with GAD and OCD in college.

Growing up, I learned to hide my anxiety, and deal with the physical affects it was having on my body on my own. I concentrated only on school, as that was a place I excelled. A kid with good grades who is driven and enjoys studying, what else could possibly be wrong? Isn’t that every parents dream? I know now what my parents really should have been paying attention to why I didn’t want to play soccer anymore and made myself physically ill before games, why I didn’t want to sleep over at my best friend’s house, and how I focused too much on being the best, getting the highest grade, when maybe I was missing out on just being a kid.  

I suffered through major bouts of depression through my early 20’s as I searched to find my identify and find a career that was “perfect” enough for me. I went on and off and on again numerous medications until I found one that “controls” my anxiety, but found that while medication may be helpful for some, it is not the answer for me. Cognitive behavioral therapy and the ability to see that the negative, self critical, perfectionist way of thinking that I developed to seemingly protect myself as a young child, is what was actually harming me today.

 A couple of months ago, I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder. I firmly believe my anxiety/OCD issues contributed to the development of this disease. The mind/body connection is not one to be ignored. The way our stress, anxiety, depression, anger, hate, etc. affects our body is extremely profound.

I will be 27 years old in a month. I hope to one day return to school and counsel young children who identify with the same problems I had as a kid. To teach kids to not grow up resentful, to love themselves AND their imperfections, and to indentify the warning signs before they develop full-blown disorders when they get older. I believe these issues should never be overlooked, and kids deserve to be listened to and understood instead of criticized and judged.

GAD and the autoimmune disease affect my life everyday.  I am continuing to learn to validate my own issues, to not always question why, and to become a better and happier me everyday. Even though I have made strides with treatment and natural medications, I still wake up most days in a panic over everything I feel needs to be done. How easy it would be to give in and become imprisoned in our own minds. But don’t ever let it win. YOU are important. Just the way you are. Continue to fight, continue to value yourself, and continue to live your life.  Remember “You do enough. You have enough. You are enough.”